exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
