Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
