I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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