I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
