i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
