So drunk its hurt
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
