I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
