Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
