you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
