my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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