i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
