Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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