Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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