turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
