Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
