I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
