And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
