So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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