I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
