is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
