I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
