I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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