listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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