my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
