im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
