It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
