Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
