i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
