yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
