who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
