how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
