He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
