I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
