The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
