i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
