I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never underestimate the power of titties
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