Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
