I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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