That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Houston, we have a squirter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
