Apparently you make a good broom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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