just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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