I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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