considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
