what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
