Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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