jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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