I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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