I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
