id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
