all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you made out with another girl for some wings
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
