We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
